nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
