STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
