I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
