i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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