but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize