a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
