There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
