You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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