A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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