My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
