it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
