Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
