you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
