how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
