he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
