Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
