The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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