kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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