I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
