So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
