In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
