I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
