So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
