i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
