we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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