cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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