connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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