...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
