i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
