Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Panties = found
Randomize
