I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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