Why are handjobs necessary in class?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize