you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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