Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
