Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
