I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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