i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
