But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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