So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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