omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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