its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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