We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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