a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
