I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
