two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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