The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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