I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
