hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
