Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
