Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize