I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
