sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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