Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
