Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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