My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
