Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
