life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
