I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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