her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
