The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize