Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
