Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so explain again why im purple
no
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
