You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
