I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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