i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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