Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
