What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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