P.S. I can't hear my feet
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize