She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
