Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
