why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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